Duan Says...: funny

Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Phua Chu Kang Words of Wisdom

Chu Kang (PCK) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius...

Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah!

Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?
PCK : Of course woman lah! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right?

Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped?
PCK : Ai-yah! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not? Ehhh? Don't pray pray ah!

Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siow ah! Use your blain, use your blainnn...

Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not?

Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn... you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit?? Stupid lah!!

Aloy : Wah... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah... , "Best in Singapore, JB, some say Batam, and now, the whole world!" also ah!!!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Technical Problems and the Solutions

PROBLEMS:

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.
In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0 , Clubbing and Drinking 7.5 , and Formula-1 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
Troubled User.....
_____________________________________
REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:APOLOGIZE! Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0!
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

Best of luck,
Tech Support